Robi DamelinParents Circle - Bereaved Families Forum |
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Occupation and Israeli Military Service:
“ Even in his regular army service [my son] David was torn because he didn't want to serve in the Occupied Territories. He became an officer and was called to go to Hebron. He was in a terrible quandary and came to me and said, "What the hell am I going to do? I don't want to be there." I said, "If you want to go to jail I'll support you, but are you going to make a difference if you go to jail?" Because basically, if he were sent to jail, when he got out they'd put him somewhere else [in the Occupied Territories]. It's a never-ending story. If it would have created a huge noise then maybe that would have been the right choice; but you can also go [to your military post] and lead by example, by treating people around you with respect. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
Personal Loss/Bereavement and Israeli Military Service:
“ David went to his reserve service and I was filled with a terrible premonition, of fear I suppose. He called me on that Saturday and said, "I have done everything to protect us. You know I love my life, but this is a terrible place, I feel like a sitting duck." He never shared that kind of stuff with me, ever. My kids never told me what they were doing in the army. They always told me ridiculous stories thinking that I was going believe them. The next morning I got up very early and ran to work hours before I had to be there. I didn't want to be at home, I had a very restless feeling. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
Personal Loss/Bereavement and Occupation:
“ David was killed by a sniper, along with nine other people. They were at a checkpoint, a political checkpoint, near Ofra [settlement]. Two days after he was killed it was pulled down; they removed the checkpoint. I suppose all of my life I spoke about coexistence and tolerance. That must be ingrained in me because one of the first things I said is, "You may not kill anybody in the name of my child." I suppose that's quite unusual, an expected reaction to that kind of news. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
Personal Loss/Bereavement and Occupation and Israeli Military Service:
“ Everybody had asked me what I thought should happen to the sniper, and if they caught the sniper do I want them to kill him. I said that he killed David not because he was David; if he had met David he would have loved David. David worked for peace, David was part of the soldiers who didn't want to serve in the territories. David was the most loving person, if he had sat down and had coffee with David, they would have become friends. On David's grave there is a quotation by Khalil Gibran that says, "the whole earth is my birthplace and all humans are my brothers." I was looking for something and that was the truest thing that I could find. I said that the sniper didn't kill David because he was David; he killed David because he was a symbol of an occupying army. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
Vision and Personal Story and Reconcilation:
“ I wrote a letter to the family [of the man who killed my son]. It took me about four months to make the decision, many sleepless nights and a lot of searching inside myself about whether this is what I really mean. I wrote them a letter, which two of the Palestinians from our group delivered to the family. They promised to write me a letter. It will take time; these things take time, I'm waiting. It could take five years for them to do that. They will deliver the letter that I wrote to their son who is in jail…If they write me a letter in return then I could publish both of the letters as an example and it could show some people that there is a way. That the people you least expect can do this kind of thing, surely that's an example to other people to start to look for a way. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
Personal Transformation and Reconcilation:
“ Each person's development on the path of reconciliation is different. It takes time. I can see how I myself have grown over the past two years, the difference in the way I respond to questions now compared to where I was two years ago; it's completely different. I'm an ancient person but I'm still learning. This is a long difficult path of learning, of tolerance, of being able to dialogue with a settler and to dialogue with somebody who's very angry; you learn that. I've always been able to persuade people because I'm a good salesperson, but now I come from a much cleaner place. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
“ All these people who lost an immediate family member, Palestinians or Israelis, are the people I would least expect to follow another path. The sort of immediate reaction is "revenge," like people talk about. Instead of channeling it into revenge, the people in our group have chosen another direction for their pain. The pain breaks down barriers very quickly between Palestinians and Israelis in the group. There's a sense of trust. It's not hummus and hugs-- it's much deeper than that; it's acknowledgement and empathy, which happen much faster than in a normal meeting between a Palestinian and an Israeli because we recognize each other immediately through the pain. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
Obstacles and Challenges and Personal Transformation:
“ It is a challenge for me because I've always been a very independent person. I was my own boss; I did whatever I wanted and if I made a decision that's what would happen… Now I have to work in a team. That's a huge lesson for me. I can't just wake up tomorrow morning and decide to do a project without consulting with anybody else, which is something foreign to me. I have to sell it to them, so they understand. That's a very different way of working. I also have to listen to what other people say all the time, which is another exercise for me: to sit in meetings and listen for hours to what other people have to say, when I'm very impatient and want to do everything now. That's my nature…. It's different when you're working with other people to create a dream, which is a shared dream. It's not just my dream anymore. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
Women in Society and Martyrdom:
“ I promise you that all mothers are the same, and that the mother of a suicide bomber has a threefold problem: where did she fail, losing her child, he killed himself and innocent people. I don't care what you say, any mother-- me in my little flat in Tel Aviv or a mother in a settlement that says she is proud to have given up her child for the land-- all our pain is the same, otherwise there is no nature, otherwise nothing makes any sense anymore. Mothers are the most powerful and the most humane because they are the only ones who know the pain of losing a child. I am not negating the pain of brothers and sisters and grandparents and fathers, but the pain of a mother is so extreme that I don't buy any mother's story that says she is proud to have lost her child for anything. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
Political Peace Processes/Political Leadership:
“ Of course we try to talk to as many politicians as we can to show them another sort of aspect of daily life here that could make a difference. What happens politically will affect the work that we're doing. The closer we get to some form of agreement, the more important our work is, because we all feel that no agreement will happen unless there's a reconciliation process built in. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
“ I remember when Nelson Mandela came out of prison and he was speaking in a stadium. These people were standing there with sticks, to get revenge. He said, "take your sticks and throw them in the river, because that's not the path we're going to take." Pragmatically, he understood that the best thing for the South African people, for his people, would be to take a nonviolent path. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
“ How many Israelis know exactly what happens at a checkpoint and how many Palestinians understand the daily pain of living here, and what soldiers come out of the army with? Very few, but if you allow them to share their narratives, like in our group… if a person like Yakov Gutterman stood up and told the Palestinians that he came out of a Nazi concentration camp to live in Israel and he had a son here on kibbutz and that son died, was killed in the conflict… and you look at Khaled Abu-Awwad's family who were refugees from somewhere near Bet Shemesh and the life they have led and the loss of two brothers… when both of these narratives are told to Palestinians and to Israelis, will it be easier for us to have empathy for each other? ” [Source in Complete Interview]
Obstacles and Challenges and International Involvement:
“ One of the biggest problems in the situation here is that people are either pro-Palestinian or pro-Israeli. When you're pro something it makes you feel very good about yourself. I remember I was with Nadwa at a meeting at a Presbyterian church somewhere in Chicago where they weren't too keen on me. We were sitting at the dinner table and this guy leaned over to her and said, "You know, I'm very pro-Palestinian." So she said, "Well I don't know, where has that gotten me up to now?" There was something very deep in what she said, because being pro-Israeli or pro-Palestinian is like saying, the poor Palestinians or the poor Israelis and waving a flag. When somebody recognizes that the Palestinians and the Israelis aren't going to disappear and says, "Let's support Israel to get out of the Occupied Territories," I say they are supporting both sides. If this kind of non-judgmental interference would come from outside, I would be very happy. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
“ The whole world should understand that for the benefit of both the Israelis and the Palestinians there will have to be a homeland for the Palestinians, Israel has to get out of the Palestinian territories because [the occupation] is destroying both sides. We all know that's what is going to happen in the end. The question is, how many people are going to have to die before that on both sides? How much more pain? How many more families are going join this bereaved circle? It has to stop. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
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